I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think my moral compass just broke
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