I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
