Jerry, you need to find god
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
