I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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