If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
