I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this beer tastes like vomit already
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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