I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
