My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
