I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
