If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
