I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
