I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
