i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
