My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
