i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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