Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
