Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
