the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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