Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize