I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
