you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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