Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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