You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
