Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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