yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
