I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
