My first STD was from a foam party
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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