i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
