I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
