let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
