Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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