you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize