I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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