People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
