Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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