All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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