Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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