Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
