So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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