New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it's like heaven, but drunker
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
