I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i out mim tonsoeep
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