I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
birth control should be required to get into college
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
