She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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