Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
