hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
