There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
