She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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