y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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