I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
