Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
