dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
