Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
