just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
