I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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