smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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