so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
