no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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