There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
