Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Fuck appropriateness.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
