before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
