im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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