i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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