Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
