Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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