her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
