you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
