One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
