Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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