Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
