can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
