I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
