He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
