I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Jerry, you need to find god
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
be right there i have to get my cape
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
