Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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