I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
