I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
