Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
