She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
