sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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