the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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