How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
