3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
