Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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