Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
