He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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