If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
