can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
