Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
