Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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