he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and she was petting her beer can
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
