Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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