and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
