I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
