He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
