saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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