I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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