LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
