The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize