Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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