I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
