Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
