I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
