just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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