when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
