I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
