I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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